One of the most exciting phases of a couple’s life is when their baby is born. It is the time for joy and togetherness. At the same time, it is an immensely challenging one with constant taking care of the baby, his feedings, and diaper changes. We often don’t associate this phase with debilitating depression and anxiety. You may have heard the term ‘Baby blue’. This is a phase when new mothers face an awkward depression due to physical and mental tiredness. They find it exhausting to cope with the new role. As a result, it becomes extremely challenging for the spouse to take care of the mother and the baby at the same time. So, how to deal with this postpartum depression?
Roles to overcome postpartum depression
Rest assured that postpartum depression is treatable. You have a very important role in helping your partner recover—and there are many simple, straightforward steps you can take to make that happen.
First of all, don’t take postpartum depression for granted. It is a serious mental condition that seeks medical attention. You are not a therapist who can diagnose your partner. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that often requires medical treatment, and it’s not your job to tackle that aspect of it. However, you do have an important role to play here as you are the one who spends most of the time at home with your spouse and baby. You are the one they lean on for emotional support.
One of the hardest aspects of postpartum depression is that sometimes your partner will seem to push you away. Postpartum depression can make someone feel a whole myriad of emotions, including anger and rage. Sometimes that aggression may be directed toward you.
In general, you can be a good listener and a safe place for her in this situation. To do this:
- Listen to your spouse and allow them to express their feelings without judgment.
- Don’t try to fix their feelings; validate what they are feeling and empathize as best you can.
- Help your partner understand that you don’t blame them for how they are feeling; postpartum depression isn’t their fault, nor is it yours.
- Help your partner understand that what they are experiencing is temporary.
- Reassure your partner that treatment for postpartum depression works, and they will feel like themselves again.
Things you can do to help your partner
Dealing with postpartum depression means dealing with emotional turmoil. You need to first understand the condition of the new mother. The main causes of postpartum depression are –
- Lack of sleep time
- Lack of relaxation
- Not even having a time or taste a healthy meal
Helping your partner accomplish these things—as well as supporting them through the rollercoaster of their emotions—is vital.
Here are some ways you can help her –
Be available to her
Previously maybe you and your wife both were working, and now she is on parental leave, so now financially you may be overburdened. But don’t make it away from you from your partner. Try to make yourself more available at home. If you are late for office for few let it allow. Give her some time to sleep in. Or give her some support to manage the baby at midnight. Many people battling postpartum depression experience loneliness and isolation: just having someone else around can help.
Give your partner some “Me time”
Motherhood is an enormous identity change. Due to lots of additional responsibilities your partner now doesn’t get any free time for her. This creates mental pressure for them and they feel like they have lost their pre-baby self. For some, this can be scary.
That’s why it can be very helpful to give your partner some “me time.” Even just an hour or two a week of alone time—or time for them to pursue a hobby or go for coffee with a friend—can make a huge difference for their mental health.
Do some household activities
Managing household chores and baby at a time is a huge challenge. So, if you feel it is perfectly okay for your partner then that is an unrealistic expectation. You should stretch your hand to household activities. Don’t wait or expect your partner to ask you for help, instead give her relief by doing some activities.
Let her allow some good sleep
Proper sleep rejuvenates our body and soul. Most importantly there is a deep relation between sleep deprivation and postpartum depression. So, to your partner better, let her catch up on good sleep. At this phase, babies deal with an erratic sleep schedule so you need to help your partner to have a consistent and enough sleep schedule.
Consider dividing up nighttime parenting more equally between the two of you, arranging for times that your partner can nap while you tend to the baby, or letting them sleep late on weekends or on days when you can go in late to work.
Help to maintain her a balanced diet
A healthy eating habit is essential for feeling more balanced and well. It can feel virtually impossible to eat regularly and healthfully when you are tending to an infant, but you can help your partner in this department.
You can bring them meals as they are feeding or nursing the baby. You can ensure that there are healthy snacks and drinks where your partner might need them. And you can cook and shop for your partner if you don’t already.
Give your partner proper mental support
People who suffer from postpartum depression often consider themselves as they are good parents. They believe that they are inadequate, have no idea what they are doing, and are failing their babies in some way. One of the most important things you can do right now is reassuring your partner that this isn’t the case.
Reassure her with the goodness she is providing to the child, the sacrifices she is doing every day.
Final word:
As you become the caregiver for someone who is suffering from postpartum depression it sometimes takes a mental toll on you. You may feel upset to see your partner in this state. You may blame yourself for what has happened. And you may be feeling overwhelmed and depleted in your role as caretaker.
Take help from others. If needed appoint a nanny so that you can leverage better time and facility to your partner. Also, there are plenty of online forums that provide good suggestions on postpartum depression.