Some parents wonder if it is possible to divorce their marriage. While parents have many concerns, such as the future of their lives and the uncertainty surrounding the custody arrangement, they may be most concerned about the way their children will handle the divorce.
What are the psychological effects on children of divorce? It depends.
However, parents can make positive changes to minimize the psychological impact of divorce on their children. A few supportive parenting strategies can help children adjust to the changes caused by divorce.
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The First Year is the Most Tough
Research has shown that children experience the most distress and anger in the first two years after a divorce.
Many children seem to bounce back. Children learn to adapt to changing routines and become comfortable with their current living arrangements. Some children, however, cannot seem to return to their “normal” lives.
Emotional Impact of Divorce
While divorce can cause emotional turmoil in the whole family, it can also be very frightening, confusing, and frustrating for children.
- Young children sometimes struggle to understand why they have to move between two homes. Some children worry that their parents might stop loving each other and that they may cease to love them one day.
- Grade school children might worry that their divorce is not their fault. They might fear that they have been misbehaving or may believe they did wrong.
- Teenagers can get very angry at a divorce and all the changes it brings. They might blame one parent for the breakup of their marriage, or they may be angry at one or both parents.
Each situation is different. A divorce can be a relief for a child in extreme situations.
Stress related to Divorce
Children who divorce often lose contact with their fathers or one of their parents every day. The loss of contact with one parent can affect the parent-child bond. According to a 2014 paper, many children feel less connected to their fathers after divorce.
A child’s relationship to the custodial parent, most often mothers, can also be affected by divorce. 4 Primary caregivers report more stress when they are single parents.
According to a 2013 study, mothers tend to be less supportive and affectionate after divorce.
Some children find parental separation easy. Divorce can be difficult because of the stressors that come with it. Moving to a new house, changing schools, and living with one parent who is feeling a bit more overwhelmed are all examples of additional stressors that can make divorce difficult.
Divorce can also lead to financial hardships. Many divorced families must move to smaller houses or to new neighborhoods. They often have fewer material resources.
Family members are exposed to risks
According to Pew Research Center, 40% of all new marriages in America in 2013 had one spouse who was married before. In 20% of marriages, both spouses were married before. 6
Many children have to deal with constant changes in their families. Another adjustment can be made by the addition of a stepparent or several step-siblings. Many children experience many changes when their parents remarry.
Second marriages are more likely to fail than first ones. Many children have experienced multiple divorces and separations throughout their lives.
Mental Health Problems
Children and teens may be more at risk of mental illness if they are divorced. 7
Children may develop an adjustment disorder after divorce. This usually resolves in a matter of months. However, research has shown that anxiety and depression rates in children of divorced parents are higher.
Behavior problems
Divorced children might experience more externalizing problems such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than children from two-parent families. Children may also have more conflict with their peers after a divorce.
Low Academic Performance
Divorced children don’t always do as well in school. A 2019 study found that children from divorcing families had trouble in school when the divorce was not expected. Children from families with a history of divorce were more likely to succeed academically.
Take risks
Divorced adolescents are more likely than others to be involved in dangerous behavior such as early sexual activity and substance abuse. The United States has a higher rate of adolescents with divorcing parents who report drinking earlier and using more alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and drugs than their peers.
According to a 2010 study, adolescents whose parents divorced at the age of 5 or younger are more likely to become sexually active before the age of 16. 10
Children’s Adjustment Assistance
Children who have experienced divorce in their childhood might experience more difficulties in their relationships. 11 Children whose parents divorced during childhood may have more difficulties in their relationships. These strategies can help reduce the psychological impact divorce has on children.
Peacefully co-parent
Children’s distress can be increased by parents in conflict. Behavior problems in children have been shown to be linked to excessive hostility between parents, including screaming and threatening one other. However, minor tension can also lead to a child experiencing more distress. Professional help is available if you are having trouble co-parenting with your spouse.
Avoid Putting Children in the Middle
It is inappropriate to ask children to choose the parent they love most or give them messages to send to other parents. Children who are caught in the middle of everything are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.
Keep healthy relationships
Children may be more comfortable with divorce if they have positive communication and are surrounded by parental warmth. Children who have a healthy relationship with their parents can develop self-esteem and higher academic performance after divorce.
Use Consistent Discipline
Establish appropriate rules for your age and then follow up with consequences if necessary.
Keep an eye on adolescents
Parents should pay more attention to their teens and the people they are spending time with. Teens are less likely to have behavior problems after a divorce. This means that there is less chance of teens using drugs and fewer academic issues.
Give your children the power to make a difference
Mental health problems are more common in children who have doubts about their ability to cope with changes or who view themselves as helpless victims. Your child should be taught that divorce can be difficult but that he is capable of handling it.
Teach Coping Skills
Children with active coping skills such as problem-solving skills or cognitive restructuring skills will be more able to cope with divorce. Your child should learn how to manage his emotions, thoughts, and behavior in a healthy manner.
Help Kids Feel Safe
Anxiety about the future and fear of being abandoned can lead to a lot of anxiety. Helping your child feel safe, loved, and secure will not only decrease clinginess but also reduce the likelihood of developing mental health problems.
Get Parent Education
Many programs are available to reduce the negative effects of divorce on children. The programs teach parents how to co-parent and provide strategies for children to cope with the changes.
Professional Assistance
Your child’s well-being can be improved by reducing your stress levels. Self-care is important. Talk therapy and other resources can help you adapt to changes in your family.
How to Help Your Child
Divorce can be difficult for families. However, it is possible to keep the family together for the sake of the children. Children living in homes that are filled with hostility, arguing, and discontentment could be more at risk of developing mental health problems and behavioral problems.
It’s common for children to have issues with their emotions and behavior after parental separation. Seek professional help if your child continues to exhibit mood or behavioral issues.
Talk to your child’s doctor. Talk to your child’s pediatrician about your concerns. Ask if your child might need professional support. Referrals to therapy or other support services might be an option.
Individual therapy can help your child manage his emotions. Family therapy might also be recommended in order to address family dynamics changes. Many communities offer support groups for children. Children in certain age groups can meet up with others who are going through similar changes in their family structure.